After Shocks.

Twisting, squeezing, pushing, pulling, opening, releasing,
expanding, stretching, reaching, breathing, meditating, internally rotating,
externally rotating, rolling, bending, suctioning, doing headstands and handstands,
bending over backwards, unbuttoning, chilling, composing, sinking,
pivoting, hinging, swiveling, revolving, rotating, lengthening, broadening,
widening, stretching, enhancing, increasing, leading, proffering, incorporating, encompassing,
alleviating, calming, diminishing, cushioning, blooming, flourishing, elaborating, spreading,
swelling, spilling, stabilizing, inflating, splitting, pouring, plowing, launching, erupting,
dialoguing, communicating, receiving, influencing, wiggling, weaving, wringing,
coiling, winding, meandering, intertwining, arranging, assembling,
orienting, adjusting, remodeling, customizing, evaluating, negotiating,
blessing, praying, loving, BREATHING ..... BREATHING......BREATHING ...... 

MELLIFLUOUS!!!!

The End is the Beginning

It takes a time for me to feel easy and comfortable with others I don't know. I want to ask questions and get a "feel" for them. Our ten days of yoga teacher training is coming to an end today and yet it feels like the beginning. We've been peeling off layers each day - sharing ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. I've settled into a warm and fuzzy feeling with these women and I will miss our sacred time together. A long time ago I used to think allowing myself to be vulnerable was a weakness. Now I find it to be a great strength. If we give each other permission to be vulnerable than we can be wholly human. And we can meet each other in that space of authenticity.

I will miss our time together but I know we will have more time to come. There are more classes to take and workshops. There is more loving, opening, ripening, giving, receiving and learning for me. This is Ojai and we're all in this together.

Namaste.

A NEW DAY

I feel so much better today after class than I did yesterday. What a difference a day makes! We offered our sun salutations, did a Yin practice, discussed, shared, meditated. 

When this class is all said and done and and the information settles - I will have learned new things, familiar things, remembered  things and things brought back to life. I will have learned a lot.

Yoga is an amalgamation of all  my experiences. It feels old and new at the same time. It feels right.

My shoulders are sore. My lower back is sore. My legs are sore. I am relaxed and it feels so good.

Namaste.

Yoga Effects

Yesterday I left class feeling vulnerable and sad. Perhaps emotions were released in our salutations. Perhaps I'm getting tired. Perhaps I don't know what I'm doing or how I ended up here. I called Darian and shouted, "I'm mad at all you women for encouraging me to teach yoga because I don't know what the hell I'm doing here! It's all your fault!" We both laughed but there is this small, insecure part of me that shouts, "Who do you think you are? You shouldn't be here! You are out of your league! Kira is a walking yogini. She's done the work, she's learned with the best, she's wayyyyy stronger and more flexible. She KNOWS. 

You'll never ....."

Then there's Meave and Celine, the young, gorgeous firefighters, who are tough, strong, eager, able, capable.

Am I getting old? Am I getting lazy? 

Or does my life have so many elements during each day that I am constantly having to shift my attention to the thousand directions. 

You would think I was writing a master thesis or something with the way I approached my sun salutation for class today. Then I got stressed because of time constraints.

I want to give everything in this class so much more time than what I seem to have. To read, digest, to do the exercises, sit with the readings, contemplate, explore. But there are children, I have to go grocery shopping, there's laundry, meals to make, dogs to nurse and walk, teachers to get presents for, do a blessing for Cathy's wedding, be the volunteer mom at Taylor's play.  Is Christmas really next week? OHMYGOD! HELP!

Stop the world, I want to get off for a day (or maybe two weeks!)

Self induced stress. Nothing is really stressful in the present moment. I make it so.

 

Mantra Madness

" Just by repeating the name, that which can not be understood, Will be understood ...  

Just by repeating the name, that which can not be seen, Will be seen"

OM NAMAH SHIVAYA

Am I in your Occipital?

I don't mean to ruin the mood.

Down Dog

How does it happen that we have such intentions and then the Universe shows up in different ways?

Saturday night I left class feeling full of gratitude and inspiration. It was a strengthening class (from my perspective). Triangles and warriors. Poses I haven't done for YEARS (I'm really rusty!)

Darian was just home from Santa Fe and we were going out for a "girls night." Neck and shoulder rubs by the fire, I would show her some stretches I learned, music, good food, deep sharing as usual, and a movie if we got that far. Dave was working in LA, my daughters had the evening "spoken for"... I was FREE of responsibilities! YIPPPPEEEEEEEE!

I came home to Henry and June, my mini-dachshunds, and sweet, Jezebel, the shitzu I'm taking care of - I let them out to pee while fixing their dinners. Only Henry and Jezzie returned from the back yard when I yodeled. June was "taking her time" as usual, sniffing... tracking. Finally she slinked in, shaking vigorously, hunched over. An unreasonable forward bend. She was in pain. I immediately gave her the three medications I keep on hand if I think it's her back: A muscle relaxer, pain killer and anti-inflammatory.
After twenty minutes of frenetic shaking and panting I knew something was terribly wrong.

Darian, my ever gracious, easy going friend, drove us to the Pet Emergency Clinic in Ventura. Lindsay and her friend Emily had nothing else to do so they came along. We walked out at 11:30PM leaving Juney for the night. Her xrays revealed four vertebrae that are "mischievous" (Great word, Kira!) - on constant vigil, lacking the soft, gelatinous cushion between bones. She could be paralyzed. This is SERIOUS!

Our eight pound dog, the size of a satiated squirrel, has lassoed our hearts for the past five years. She is loveable, sweet, compassionate, protective, fierce, funny, and in serious trouble. She has chronic back problems, she shouldn't be moving - and she thinks she's a lion. ...What now?

June has to live a more "conscious" life if she is to live a long life. Leashes not lunges. No ecstatic dancing. No backbends or twists. No folds or arches. No downward facing dog!
Plank, Plank, Plank and lot's of reverse Shivasina.

She's a lot like me now - in the "afternoon" of life. Where kicking back, being comfortable, learning to receive, going slower, observing more, listening, surrendering, appreciating, ... is a fulfilling choice.

Quiet, Yin, Therapeutic, Gentle, Restorative, Chanting, Receiving, Opening, Expanding.

Kira is my teacher. June is my teacher.
I am grateful for my teachers.

What I know is I don't know

Yesterday's class with Kira was wonderful. I appreciate her knowledge and intelligence. Her sense of humor. Her genuine desire to help us understand. I realize how much I do not know. I haven't studied yoga in depth. My teachers have been books, tapes, DVD's and my own exploration of moving my body around. I don't know the names of the asanas. I don't know the sanskrit words. I don't know who's who in the world of yoga. While I know that what I don't know is much more than what I do know I know that everything about this class pulls me somehow. There is a connection I feel. I've always wanted a mentor, a teacher, someone who could encourage my full voice and potential - and there's been a certain envy I feel when others speak of their teachers and mentors and who they studied with. I've bushwhacked. It's landed me where I am today but there is so much more exploration!

The student is ready, the teacher appears. I can't wait for class today!

For the Love of Yin

I first found out about Yin Yoga when I hosted a small class in my home several years ago taught by Nance Samuels. We marveled at her physical flexibility and she took us to deeper places within ourselves. I craved folding over and allowing the breath and gravity of my own body to stretch and lengthen. I could visualize the netting that holds me together releasing long held emotions, I could actually hear the opening and relaxing of deep tendons and ligaments. It felt gentle, non-competitive, soft and inward. A contrast to my more Yang way of being in the world with children and responsibilities, always "putting out" somehow, running around throughout the day. It was a way to be with myself without distractions and appreciate. So delicious.
There's no such thing as a quick set of YIN for me. It takes time. And it's worth it.

Yin Yoga is known as the quiet yoga, concentrating on connective tissue and bones, the parts of our body that are closest to our core and critical to our physical well-being and range of motion. The postures are practiced on the floor and each is held for a lengthy period, usually five to eight minutes. The intense non-movement allows the muscles to relax and the deep connective tissue to be gently stretched, encouraging the free flow of energy throughout the body. Yin Yoga is a gentle practice that brings yoga back to its internal meditative roots, teaching us to relax and accept ourselves just as we are.

Yin is about surrender to the moment and offers me incredible peace.

Yoga Teacher Training

I am so excited to be in the Yoga Teacher Training with Kira. To learn and grow, question, wonder, deepen and expand within the Mystery. Yoga integrates body, mind and spirit, everything I have gravitated toward in my life, everything I have been drawn to in my studies and practice for the past twenty years.

 I agree with Carolyn Myss when she says, 
"Our time has come. We are no longer "waiting" for the era of consciousness to begin. We ARE that era. We must now put to use all that we have prepared ourselves to be and to do through these years. The world is now the new monastery in the most cosmic meaning of that term and you are a mystic out of the monastery, who has the potential to be a force of great change in your personal life, for your family, your friends, and your community. We are indeed all in this together."

For me Yoga is the answer and I want to be an instrument.