Yoga Effects

Yesterday I left class feeling vulnerable and sad. Perhaps emotions were released in our salutations. Perhaps I'm getting tired. Perhaps I don't know what I'm doing or how I ended up here. I called Darian and shouted, "I'm mad at all you women for encouraging me to teach yoga because I don't know what the hell I'm doing here! It's all your fault!" We both laughed but there is this small, insecure part of me that shouts, "Who do you think you are? You shouldn't be here! You are out of your league! Kira is a walking yogini. She's done the work, she's learned with the best, she's wayyyyy stronger and more flexible. She KNOWS. 

You'll never ....."

Then there's Meave and Celine, the young, gorgeous firefighters, who are tough, strong, eager, able, capable.

Am I getting old? Am I getting lazy? 

Or does my life have so many elements during each day that I am constantly having to shift my attention to the thousand directions. 

You would think I was writing a master thesis or something with the way I approached my sun salutation for class today. Then I got stressed because of time constraints.

I want to give everything in this class so much more time than what I seem to have. To read, digest, to do the exercises, sit with the readings, contemplate, explore. But there are children, I have to go grocery shopping, there's laundry, meals to make, dogs to nurse and walk, teachers to get presents for, do a blessing for Cathy's wedding, be the volunteer mom at Taylor's play.  Is Christmas really next week? OHMYGOD! HELP!

Stop the world, I want to get off for a day (or maybe two weeks!)

Self induced stress. Nothing is really stressful in the present moment. I make it so.